Empathy

Sarah: Maybe you’re not really such a great listener.
Carter: Hmm?
Sarah: Maybe you’re not such a great listener.
Carter: No, that’s not it. I’m a great listener.

– “In the Land of Women”

I’ve always thought of myself as empathic and a good listener, but lately I’ve noticed that there is a difference between nodding and saying platitudes, and being attentive and caring about the other person, and thoughtful about their needs.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. In blogging I spend lots of time in introspection. In gift-buying I tend to know what *I* like, but have less of an idea of what other people like (especially if their interests are different from mine). In my medical humanities class I find it challenging to think from the patient’s perspective, beyond simple stereotypes and into the actual qualities of that person. And when I see how my mom has been caring for and cared for by her friends, I wonder about myself. Do I think about how my friends are doing, or make an effort to see them if they are sick or need help? Do I pay attention when I ask them about their lives, so I remember the details and don’t have to ask again?

I know empathy is difficult, and there are many people like me who do this, and we’re not bad people. Maybe a little self-centered. But we mean well.

So, one of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to genuinely care about other people.

Tags: empathy, New Year's Resolutions, thoughtfulness